Somewhere in the blur of 2020, as I slipped outside with a mask and running shoes in the early morning to walk around the block, the lilting drawl of a friend’s “hiiiiii” nearly stopped me in my tracks. It was the first voice note I remember clicking play on: a friend from our shared home state, Kentucky, talking me through a life update as we lived and worried and wondered about reaching out to one another from opposite sides of the country—me in DC and her on the West Coast. It felt like the surprise of an unexpected letter because we normally didn’t communicate that way, mixed with the convenience of a text—a compromise for people who wanted to catch up but whose schedules rarely matched.
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At the time, I only sent voice notes sporadically. Stage fright would kick in, as if I was concerned my rambling would be rated like a podcast episode. I worried—more than I did with in-person or phone conversation—that I’d say the wrong thing, or that others would experience the same full-body cringe upon hearing a recording of my voice that I do. I think better in writing, I’d tell myself, clinging to my texts.
But recently, I’ve found myself recalling how my friend’s chatter broke through loneliness—hers and definitely my own. Particularly during a season that’s supposed to be all about love, I think about all the ways that can look—specifically, how we reach out to loved ones and connect. As I’ve sent more random voice messages to loved ones, it’s become obvious how much I was craving this point of connection, finding solace in their voices even if I couldn’t see their faces.
If anything, I’m a late adopter of voice messaging. A 2023 poll by YouGov found 30% of Americans communicate with voice messages on a weekly, daily, or multiple-times-a-day basis. Fans cite it being a needed break from typing on a screen, says reporting from The Washington Post by Tatum Hunter, or how flexibility makes it more accessible, absent the anxiety some feel about phone calls and with more clarity than texts, according to NPR. In 2024, a man’s TikTok on his weekly routine with friends—sending short videos to each other every Wednesday to keep each other posted on everything from struggles to milestones—went viral. Meanwhile, even dating apps, like Hinge, or work-focused platforms, like Slack, have voice options, according to Natalie Daher in Axios in 2023. Reporting by Shirin Ghaffary on Vox outlines that by hearing someone’s voice, we get “paralinguistic cues” that can’t come via text. There’s a level of closeness that comes with this kind of listening.
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If we think of a voice message as existing between a phone call and a text, it “allows the richness with [the] understanding that we can’t always talk right in the moment,” says Natalie Pennington, PhD, Assistant Professor of Communication Studies at Colorado State University. When we hear someone’s voice, we get a better understanding of their emotional state, she says. A phone call is rich in social cues and synchronicity, so we’re getting immediate reactions. Meanwhile, with video calls, you can experience a drop-off, feeling as if someone was there with you when they weren’t, all while having to look at yourself, she explains. “There is really that value of this sweet spot that voice sort of captures,” she says.
2021 research by professors Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley found that voice, including phone, video chat, and voice chat, created stronger social bonds when compared to text interactions, writing that that voice can create understanding or connection.
“Connection” is what I found in hearing not just my loved ones’ voices, but the soundtrack of their lives playing in their 2-minute recordings: kids playing, how joyful someone sounded walking back from a good first date, the clatter of cooking utensils, gossiping about work. In fact, it was listening in on moments like this—realizing that hearing them made it feel more like I was with my loved ones—that nudged me toward sending more voice notes of my own. A longtime lover of the random catch-up phone call, this was the asynchronous step toward a different way of showing up, even if that meant getting over my nerves that I’d ramble. Listening to them move through their lives made me want to be vulnerable in that way, too.
Others mentioned the feeling of “being there” as a reason to love voice messaging. Greg Mania, 33, developed a routine with his best friend, Tara, of “voice noting from sunrise to sundown.” With a voice note, you can take time to formulate a response, reply when you can, and pick right back up where you left off, they say. You can also keep a voice note, Mania says: sometimes, they both say things that inspire the other, and they’re able to listen to those notes whenever needed. “For us it’s a never-ending phone call, and a vital part of our days, and our relationship,” Mania adds.
Danielle Mathias, 32, has a lot of long-distance friendships and says that “being able to hear their voice is really special to me,” adding that she thinks hearing someone makes her feel more involved in their lives. “It almost feels like they’re there with you in your apartment while you’re listening to their voice note, which can be really nice when you’re missing somebody that’s really far away.” Draea Johnson, 47, echoes that: Through social media, she sees loved ones’ lives evolve, but that feels like watching from the outside. “I know that many, many of my friends and acquaintances feel similar, many are very disconnected, so any time I can send a little love their way via voice notes, I do,” she says.
In the thick of all this is the fact that loneliness was declared a “public health epidemic” in 2023, and a poll found that when Americans feel lonely, about 50% opt for a distraction, like TV, podcasts, or social media. Based on how many people describe getting a voice note as a personal, mini-podcast, getting to listen to each other is a meaningful way to stay in touch that liking an Instagram story just isn’t.
Still, voice notes remain somewhat divisive: Though many apps have a transcription feature for voice notes, communicating this way isn’t accessible to everyone. Some wonder about the etiquette (or how to follow best practices with them); others find them intrusive, stressful, or even self-centered–the idea that someone wants to hear your monologue.
But the thing is: I do; I’ll take the rambling and awkward pauses that might come with closeness. I think of voice notes as just one part of the ongoing conversation of phone calls and texts and endless Instagram memes and, fingers crossed, in-person hang-out time. Sometimes, someone replies to a voice note with a text or opts to call instead, but it’s all part of the same catch-up. Different relationships have different communication preferences. But I cherish getting to listen in as friends narrate their grocery trips, vent about their bosses, or just want to hear what’s up lately. It’s a small act of love, I think, to want to talk to someone—however you choose to do it.
The day after I sent a voice note to a childhood friend just because something reminded me of her, I got an unexpected voice note from my younger sister, a previous passionate hater of voice messaging. She’d just sent her first one to someone, she told me, and was surprised by how freeing it felt. “It kind of makes me want to keep talking,” she said.
I was just glad I got to hear about it.
