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The first time you tell someone you love them, they might go weak in the knees. The millionth time? It’s probably still nice to hear—but also a bit, well, familiar. “Words do matter,” says Lauren Farina, a psychotherapist in Chicago. “If we’re only using the same words over and over again—as meaningful as the phrase ‘I love you’ can be—it does begin to feel overdone, and therefore loses some of its meaning.”
After a while, you might not even consciously think about what you’re saying. That three-word phrase—once so weighty—becomes a default expression of affection, the words rolling off your tongue automatically when you walk out the door or hang up the phone. Switching up what you say to someone you care about can indicate that you’re putting a heightened level of thought and intention into nurturing the relationship, Farina says.
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We asked experts to share their favorite alternate ways to let a romantic partner, friend, or family member know you care about them, rather than those three little words.
“You hold a place in my heart that no one else can touch.”
You might think you’re already communicating this to your loved ones via your actions. Yet making it a point to remind them how much they matter to you can strengthen your bond, says Sejginha Williams-Abaku, a marriage and family therapist who’s trained in the Gottman Method, a couple’s therapy technique that emphasizes healthy communication. “It shows them how unique and special and important they are to us,” she says, especially if you say it at a moment when you feel highly emotionally connected. That way it comes off as “authentic and real, and they can feel how much you mean it.”
“I trust you and respect you.”
Trust and respect are the cornerstones of a loving relationship. When you tell someone you trust them, you’re essentially saying that you know they’ll show up for you when you need them. Plus, it’s validating for the person on the receiving end, because “it demonstrates your perception of their character,” says Marisa Cohen, a marriage and family therapist who’s a relationship expert with the dating app Hily. Respect is similarly vital and makes it clear that you value your partner’s feelings and desires as much as your own. By sharing either or both of these sentiments, you’ll cultivate a secure connection and deeper level of emotional intimacy, she adds.
“I feel safe with you.”
Emotional safety allows you to feel protected and loved—and confident that your partner will take care of your heart. Otherwise, you might find you’re constantly on edge, replaying conversations, struggling to let your guard down, or avoiding asking for what you need because you’re afraid of being rejected. That’s why conveying a sense of safety is so powerful. “It’s a big one,” Cohen says. You’re letting your partner know that “in times of distress, they’re like a safe port—someone you can find security from.”
“You matter to me.”
Sometimes, people need to hear how much they mean to you in a straightforward way. “You matter to me” lets them know their presence in your life is important without over-complicating the message, says Melissa Legere, a licensed marriage and family therapist who’s the clinical director and co-founder of California Behavioral Health in Palm Springs. “It can be especially comforting during tough times, or when someone feels overlooked,” she adds. You might say it during a quiet one-on-one conversation, or in a heartfelt text. “Keep it simple and genuine,” Legere advises. “Your tone will do the rest.”
Read More: 13 Things to Say When Someone Asks Why You Haven’t Had a Baby Yet
“You are my home.”
If you say this to a loved one, you’ll communicate a deep sense of comfort and belonging. “It tells the person they’re more than just someone you care about—they’re your safe space and the person you turn to when you need grounding,” Legere says. “It’s a beautiful way to express that they bring a sense of stability and warmth into your life.”
Use it during an emotional moment, or when you want to remind them how much they mean to you; it could be whispered during a hug, written in a card, or even shared casually in a quiet moment together, she adds.
“You add so much value and joy to my life.”
If you haven’t told a friend what they mean to you lately, seize the moment. “A lot of friendships are born out of fun,” Williams-Abaku points out. “Knowing that a friendship is more than just fun, and that we’re adding value to the life of a friend, can make us feel really good.” You might also add: “I’m so grateful for all the ways you’ve shown up for me,” she suggests, which reinforces your connection.
“You have my heart.”
Telling someone they have your heart conveys trust, devotion, and deep affection. “It’s intimate and special—showing that you’ve chosen to give them a piece of yourself,” Legere says. “It works well when you’re being vulnerable and want your partner to know they hold a unique, irreplaceable place in your life.”
“I heard a song that reminded me of you.”
Sharing a specific way you’re reminded of someone you care about—like a song you heard on the radio, a poem you read, or a beautiful patch of flowers you saw on your walk to work—can make them feel special and valued. Plus, it lets them know you’re thinking of them, even when you’re not together.
“It’s a great opportunity to strengthen your connection,” says April Davis, founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking. Just make sure there’s a clear positive association—you probably don’t want to tell your boyfriend that Taylor Swift’s The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived reminded you of him.
Read More: Love Languages Actually Do Improve Your Relationship
“I love being your [husband, wife, partner, parent, friend] because _____.”
Specificity is key when you’re expressing affection—so make it a point to regularly tell your loved ones your favorite thing(s) about them, like their creativity, sense of humor, or loyalty.
Zeroing in on a particular quality or tendency indicates you’re paying attention; plus, it helps ensure your compliment feels sincere. “My personal philosophy is that what each of us seeks in a relationship is really being seen and known for who we are as individuals,” Farina says, “and this statement really drives that.”
“I’m more of who I’m meant to be because of you.”
If you feel your significant other makes you a better person, let them know. “Healthy relationships don’t require us to conform or change important parts of who we are,” Farina says. “They allow us to blossom, and they provide the space for us to be more of who we are.” Another way of saying this, she adds, is expressing that they see you as the person you strive to be—a testament to the power of your partnership.
“Something important you’ve taught me is ____.”
Farina likes the saying that relationships are life’s classroom—an opportunity to figure out your wants and needs, and to learn about empathy, conflict resolution, healthy communication, and much more. Sharing what you’ve learned from someone is a way of saying “this is what you’ve given me,” Farina says. That can be validating for the person on the receiving end. “We want to feel like we matter, and like we’re having an impact, especially with the relationships in which we’re most heavily invested.”
“The way you [name specific idiosyncrasy] makes me love you even more every day.”
Maybe your girlfriend has a 15-step morning routine, or your husband talks to the fridge like it’s another member of the household. Celebrate those quirks, Williams-Abaku suggests. Naming something unique about your partner allows them to feel seen and valued: “Those small things are usually the less appreciated parts of who we are, but they really add color to our identity,” she says.
Read More: 10 Things to Say When Someone Asks Why You’re Still Single
“Let’s never lose this friendship.”
This is a meaningful way to honor a friend during a heartfelt conversation or when you’re writing them a note, Williams-Abaku says. It demonstrates your loyalty and the fact that you’re willing to put in hard work to maintain the bond. “It makes clear our investment in the depth and longevity of the friendship,” she says. “We want to keep them around—and this is a powerful way to say, ‘I really do love you, and you’re special to me.’”
“If I were given the choice of choosing my family, I would still choose you.”
We all know we don’t get to choose our family—for better or for worse. So if you’d still pick the same people? That’s high praise, Williams-Abaku says, and worth mentioning. She considers this a lovely way of making it clear that “the relationship we have with them is by choice.” For someone you’d be stuck with anyway, there’s no better compliment.
